deus ex macchiato

Fabian Bazant-Hegemark's blog

Churning and piercing

Overthink only some things.

When walking, I realized that pushing myself too hard leads to not being able to push myself anymore at all. My feet hurt after overdoing it today, when I hiked through half the city and back, and then some, and while hiking wasn't a strain at all, the asphalt wasn't as forgiving.

Now, I don't feel like overthinking could've changed anything for the better, but that isn't what I'm trying to talk about. Because there are other things that are best just to be done with and analysed in hindsight, as foresight is at times simply not sufficiently available.

Should I wear the new hiking shoes that might give me blisters because they are new? I had postponed this ridiculous decision for weeks, and now I finally tried them, and there was no problem at all. I was, ironically, on my way to get my first piercing a couple of days ago, another thing I had meant to do for years while always talking myself out of doing it right now.. Well, it's done. It hurt, more than getting a tattoo, and it is a great metaphor I think. There is no "slow piercing", as I guess that would simply be "poking", or, if really, really slow, "pointing". If it is to happen, it has to happen quickly, and overthinking just won't get you anywhere.

Ultimately, while some things, like stories, can be enhanced by revision and repeated questioning, others can only be churned into a fatty mass that slowly clots your arteries. It's not always easy to see which way it is with any given project. With the stuff I put on this website, I always feel like the best approach is just posting. I often don't even do more than a rough spell check, as you certainly have noticed. this is especially fun because sometimes my brainfarts cause me to mix German pronunciation with English spelling, creating really weird constructions in both orthography and grammar.

With Hymnos, on the other hand, I feel very reluctant to publish more than a few sentences as teasers yet, even though I have worked on it for some years now. It just doesn't feel ready yet. I don't know when it will feel so, and I am always afraid that by then I will have churned it to crumbs. We shall see, I guess.

Basically, this brings me to what I am doing today. I am spending the day in the shade, working on my web site and, especially, the web shop. I'm still not done with all products, but I feel that I have turned this idea in every possible direction, got great feedback in various conversations, and feel aware of all the things that possibly won't work out as planned. But I'm afraid of trying to spend so much time trying to grease all the edges for a smooth start, I'll end up with a buttery.. okay, you get the idea, and I get tired of the butter metaphors.